Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
