I just threw up on my dentist
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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