Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
