I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
