mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
