Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
