theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
