I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
