it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
