hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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