How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
