she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
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I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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