Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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