She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
