I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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