Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm too high and old for this...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
