he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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