can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
