i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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