True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
