is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
