i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
