Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
