Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
