Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....