i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
