Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch