i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
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just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
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i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star