Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl

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  (440): i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe. (440): I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl http://tfl.nu/33bi
  Replies (25) Good night (6756) Bad night (748)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded

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  (306): This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded http://tfl.nu/nfzj
  Replies (59) Good night (1290) Bad night (7052)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.

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  (862): I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word. http://tfl.nu/hy59
  Replies (21) Good night (5166) Bad night (830)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.

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  (817): she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it. http://tfl.nu/rt8c
  Replies (10) Good night (3950) Bad night (1033)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup

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  (416): he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup http://tfl.nu/u0xy
  Replies (20) Good night (1595) Bad night (5395)
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  (916): View more from California

  Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?

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  (916): Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents? http://tfl.nu/8kv6
  Replies (20) Good night (2565) Bad night (1381)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.

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  (620): Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed. http://tfl.nu/m5ja
  Replies (7) Good night (3282) Bad night (961)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times

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  (704): you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times http://tfl.nu/2nqn
  Replies (7) Good night (3018) Bad night (1149)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.

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  (502): It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass. http://tfl.nu/hhxz
  Replies (19) Good night (1165) Bad night (3198)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly

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  (330): I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly http://tfl.nu/0xww
  Replies (4) Good night (1333) Bad night (651)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.

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  (610): I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird. http://tfl.nu/yqaf
  Replies (19) Good night (2512) Bad night (672)
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  (650): View more from California

  I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?

  (831): View more from California

  I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak

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  (650): I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up? (831): I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak http://tfl.nu/xa8u
  Replies (4) Good night (1534) Bad night (436)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.

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  (713): Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application. http://tfl.nu/jvuq
  Replies (5) Good night (282) Bad night (651)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"

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  (306): you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!" http://tfl.nu/t9vt
  Replies (1) Good night (750) Bad night (617)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"

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  (847): You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL" http://tfl.nu/xuia
  Replies (0) Good night (252) Bad night (315)

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