I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.