i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?