i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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