Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think my fart just growled at me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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