I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I've blown a few things in my day
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
