I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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