if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
