I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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