it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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