You made me cry and you don't even care
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
