you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
