using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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