His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
