Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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