Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
