I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
