Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
