I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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