I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
