you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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