My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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