apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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