Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
