Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
now i know why i became what i already was.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
