I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
