i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
