but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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