i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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