Can i not drive my cunt home
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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