got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
