I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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