turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
