So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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