apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
