Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up under a house in Key West
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