you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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