this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sorry about my life...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
