That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize