Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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