Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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